Sometimes difficult conversations arise when we have to communicate with our clients. This can happen when they push our boundaries or ask for something that we are uncomfortable with. It can be really hard coming up with how to tell them “no.” Saying “no” protects you as the business owner, and it actually protects them as well. We feel like we're somehow going to be letting them down by saying no, but really what we're doing is we're telling them that we are committed to providing them with excellent service. And in order to do so, we must abide by certain policies that we have in place.

When we do have those conversations, whether it's on the phone, through email, or in person, we want to have the right energy. Just because they want to work with us doesn't mean that we have to work with them. It doesn't mean that we are the right person to be there for them on their wedding day, just because they like our work and just because they want to give us money. Sometimes saying “no” actually helps them have a better experience, because now they can look for the person who will be able to provide the right type of energy or the right type of look.

Communication is really about having clear boundaries. It's the ability to communicate effectively and without guilt. We take things so personally, but it really shouldn't be. This is still a business. We are very personable. We are working with people in a highly emotional situation. We work with bridal clients for months and months in advance for a very happy, eventful day. So it's hard not to see things personally, but we have to remember at the end of the day, this is a job. This is your business. We can't connect our policies to that sense of guilt and take anything personally. If the client takes things that personally, they're welcome to work with somebody else. It won’t kill you. It's not going to cripple your business. If somebody says, “hey, I don't like your policy, I'm gonna go with somebody else who doesn't have that policy,” what they're actually saying to you is, “I don't respect you very much, so I'm gonna look for somebody else who will allow me to disrespect them.” And those aren't the kind of people that we want to surround ourselves with. Those are the kind of brides that lead to burnout. 

Episode 15: Difficult Conversations

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The  first step to becoming better at communicating with clients is to do a deep dive on setting your boundaries. I don't think enough of us really know what our boundaries are until they're pressed. So it’s critical to do the prep work. Ask yourself, “what am I willing to say yes to? What am I not willing to say yes to?” Have all of this written out, thought out in advance, so that when the situation does pop up, you already have your answer ready. You need to have something concrete to point back to and go, “as per the contract” or “as per my policy… which is laid out on my website, which we discussed in person, which was included in your welcome email” (or wherever.) Have your policies laid out in writing in ways that are easily accessible to your client. 

So, when you're setting your rates and when you are setting your boundaries, you have to know what is the value of your time spent not working. What is the value of your time to be pulled away from the things that you’d rather be doing in order to come and do someone’s wedding? For example, I get inquiries all the time really early mornings for sunrise engagement photos at the monuments in DC. That's a big thing here. People get photos taken at sunrise, and it's beautiful, they always look really nice, but I can't imagine why on earth getting up that early in the morning is appealing to anybody. Maybe I'm just not a morning person. Like the pictures are nice, but guess what? The sun also sets. You don't have to get up at the crack of the day in order to have really pretty light. There's two golden hours a day, guys! Like maybe do 6 PM instead of 6 AM. And if you’re all going to be there for wedding photos at 6 AM, that means you have to travel to the monuments, park and walk, get hair and makeup done, all before that 6 AM shoot. So, if somebody wants me to come and do it, yeah sure I'll do it, but I'm going to charge travel fees and early morning fees, because I don't want to be there. The value of my time is very, very high for early mornings because I would rather be sleeping.

If somebody comes to me last minute, their hairstylist or their makeup artist bailed on them. I’m sympathetic because that sucks. And if I'm available, and I can come and help them and save the day, I'm still charging extra for it because I wasn't planning on it. In fact, that was what happened on my day off this past weekend. One of my good friends texted me early in the morning, “hey, you wanna help save the day?” She had gotten a message from a planner and the bride's makeup artist didn’t show up. They had twelve services booked, six people for hair and makeup, and it was ninety minutes away. So, my friend was talking with the planner and gave them her prices, and the planner said that's absolutely not what the bride had budgeted. So, my friend told her no. You know, if you only want to pay $50, this is what you're going to get. No one's going to show up for that, because it's not worth their time. So even though we felt really sympathetic, we weren't going to budge on the price. Eventually the planner said, “no, the bride's not willing to spend that kind of money.” And my friend was fine with it. This was already going to be her day off, and it was mine too. So she had that clear boundary in place where she was like, “I will help, but I'm not going to do it for what you want me to because I respect myself more than that.” And ultimately, she wasn't even going to disrespect me like that. She was like, “no, like I can't bring an assistant for only $50 a person.” Like there's no way I can get anybody to come and work for me for that. So knowing the value of your time is a really important step.

The next one is determining your limits. How much and how often and how long you're willing to invest for each person for that rate. So, a lot of times some brides will require a lot more of our time. They'll spend a lot more time emailing us and talking on the phone with us or sitting there at their trials. And a lot of stylists forget to charge for any overage time. When it comes to emailing, I'll be super responsive in the beginning. But if you start sending me like five emails a day, I don't have the kind of time to stop constantly, so it will take me longer to get back to you. Because I understand the value of my time. The same thing applies when it’s over the phone. I let clients know well in advance that it's a fifteen minute phone consultation. Once we start to get to that like ten, fifteen minute mark, I let them know the complimentary consultation is coming to a close. I am setting a boundary and I'm cutting off that conversation. I won’t sit there and lick their boots for 30 minutes hoping they’ll book me. I'm not a phone consultation person anyways. I don't run my business that way, and I don't coach people to run their business that way.

The last couple of steps are about things called “if-then statements.” This is how you set boundaries and how you determine how situations will be handled. It's a series of statements, and it's a mental exercise that I walk people through where I say, okay, if this happens, then what do you do? And we go through a whole gambit of all these different situations they could possibly handle. Easy conversations happen when you've already done this thought exercise. And when you have proactive policies put in place, people respect that. When you are trying to be reactive to a situation and come up with a solution or a boundary on the fly, that's when people feel like you’re just trying to pull something on them. But if you can say well, no, actually this policy is listed on my website, or we discussed it at your trial and you initialed next to that policy in your contract. There's four different times that I notified you of this policy before the situation happened. Then they can be like, yeah, you're right. This is my problem. I'll take it up with my bridesmaid or I will find a solution. You've given them plenty of opportunities to solve it on their own before putting it on your plate. You've told them what that policy is and that's where the last step comes in. It’s making sure that this policy is written everywhere. You can't have policies and then expect to be able to enforce them if you don't let clients know what they are.

My website has the policy, my booking papers have the policy, the immediate email that they get confirming their appointment and the later reminder email all include my policy. And the policy says, if you cannot have the common decency to cancel your appointment and you no-show on me, then I am not the tanning specialist for you. Please do not book an appointment with me. People who are turned off by that, the people who like to no-show, find my frankness terrible. I just had a spray tan person come on Thursday and she let me know that she saw that policy in my email, and thought “this chick is my tribe.” She's like, “your vibe attracts your tribe.” And that’s so true. So, now I know because of my policy, I've provided a better experience and I've attracted the right type of client to my business.

Now that client respects me higher as a professional and a business person and not just a hobbyist. How many times have you had people say or imply that this is just a hobby and not a real business? It's because so many people don't treat it like a job. If it's not a job for you, please get out of this industry. If you don't treat it like a real job and like a real business, you're not only disrespecting yourself, you're disrespecting your peers. So have these boundaries, have these policies and then enforce the policies. It can be hard at first, but it’s like a muscle that you have to grow. So once you start enforcing your policies, it will eventually become second nature, and it will get easier with repetition. Brides will have a much, much better experience with you, even when you tell them “no.” And you'll have a much better experience as a business owner because you're respecting yourself and your client's time too.  

What's Next?

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